Coffee Ready?

My oldest son Ian, is leaving in two weeks to live in Santa Fe with his biological father, step-mother and two year old sister.

When I found out I was pregnant I was 18 years old, and had been dating his father for an entire three weeks. When I told him I was pregnant his response to me was, "Couldn't you have waited until the Simpsons were over??". He was 25. He promptly asked when I was having an abortion, and I told him I wasn't, just because I at that age I did the opposite of whatever was suggested. I suppose some things never change.

I had Ian on October 6th, 1991. I was 19 and had never held a baby in my life. I was single, and now solely responsible for this amazing little creature that changed my life forever. When he was two months old an older gentleman stopped me on the street, looked me dead in the eye and told me to enjoy every minute, because it goes by so fast. That day feels like yesterday. It really does go by that fast.

I married Tim because Ian chose him. We were getting our passport pictures taken by Tim, and after it was done Ian walked up to him and hugged him. He was two, and had never hugged anyone else but me in his little life. I took it as a sign. We saw him through sleepless nights, potty training, pre-school, kindergarten, birthday parties, dying pets, nightmares, chicken pox, road trips, pokemon cards, moving, Jr. High, best friends, losing grandparents, bad grades, holidays, pre-teen angst, High School, first dances, first girlfriends, broken hearts, good grades, first jobs, driver's ed, second girlfriends, paintball tournaments, teenage angst, teenage rebellion and all the joy, confusion, terror, long nights, silent treatments that comes with raising a child.

His father missed all of it.

Last year we got a call out of the blue from his biological dad. He had married a wonderful woman, and had a child. He wanted Ian to visit. Tim and I took a deep breath and put him on a plane to Santa Fe. Ian discovered a whole family he had never known before, and the sweet kid that he is, fell in love with them. Last week, with tears in his eyes my baby asked if it would be ok with us if he moved in with his newly discovered family. What am I supposed to say? Am I supposed to point out that this was the same man who asked when I was getting an abortion? That he never wanted to be a father? That he wanted nothing to do with him for 15 years? No. I smiled and said of course it was ok, that it was a wonderful idea that he leave and get to know the other biological half of who he was. Of course it's ok.

When Ian was a baby he would wake up every morning between 5 and 6am. Without fail. I suppose it has to do with the long line of farmers and ranchers he comes from. Being a single mom I had one rule, I would not get up before the automatic coffee maker went off at 7. Every morning between 5 and 6 I would wake up to "Good morning mommy! Coffee ready??" and I would call out to his room, "Not yet baby, 7 o'clock" and he would play patiently in his crib until then. Looking back I should have just gotten up, enjoyed every fleeting second that went by so fast, but as a single mom, I took advantage of the appliance.

He's still up at six, but now he's making the coffee and walking down to get the paper because he has developed the same habit as his mom. We sit in silence in the morning, drinking our coffee and reading the New York Times, sometimes exchanging comments on the stories we read or our plans for the day. But in two weeks it will change. He'll be at the Desert Academy in Santa Fe, taking Chinese and Calculus because it's not offered at Rangeley Regional School and he really wants to take these classes to get into St. Johns College, and Tim and I will be mourning the fact that we lost our kid too soon. It goes by too fast.

God speed little man.