Did I put "quit procrastinating" on my list?

I just looked. Yes. #17.

How am I doing with that? I suck.

These lists are making me tense. All over the house, in my briefcase, I even have a post it note stuck on my dashboard. I HATE LISTS.

I'm housesitting in Lyle for two weeks, my commute takes exactly one minute and twenty four seconds. All the things I have put off on my real life list, like getting my car registered, or filing my taxes, getting my eyebrows done, walking in the evenings, writing, reading. all those things have still not been attempted, let alone crossed off. Why? I don't know. Depression? ADHD? Procrastination.

I am knocking a few things off the list, but it seems like every time I do one thing, three more things are added. I am smiling more. Walking slower. I'm even planning a party. My car still hasn't been registered. Partly because I'm not too sure what state I'm living in, more so because I am lazy. My car is full of recycling. My taxes haven't been filed. I can't remember the last book I read. We won't speak of the dental appointment I have yet to make.

I did manage to book an appointment for my eyebrows though. One thing at a time.

List

I am not too fond of lists. It makes me tense to see a visual of all the things I need to do. However, having all these big and little things rattle around my brain makes me even more tense, so one of my goals for 2009 is to make more lists. I thought I would start with writing down 37 things I'd like to do in 2009. Why 37? That's how old I will be this year. Not yet of course, later this year. It seems like a good number to start with.

1. Smile more. I tend to walk around with my brow furrowed most of the time.

2. Set an appointment for myself to worry. I don't need to worry 24 hours a day. One hour should be sufficient.

3. Travel by train. I love trains.

4. Walk slower. I'm not in New York.

5. Ride a bike. I'd like an Orange one with a basket.

6. Stand at the beach and feel the ocean wash over my feet.

7. Eat lemon sorbet. It makes me happy.

8. Make time for friends.

9. Trust.

10. Soak in the sunshine.

11. Love the people I am with.

12. More spontaneous dancing.

13. Take pictures and not worry if they are good.

14. Explore.

15. Treat myself well everyday.

16. Make more lists.

17. Quit procrastinating.

18. Make my home beautiful for my family. Fill it with things and people I love.

19. Rid my home of things I no longer love, or no longer need.

20. Forgive. Including myself.

21. Save.

22. Let go.

23. Stretch my body, mind and soul.

24. Give more with out expectation.

25. Expect more miracles.

26. Ice skate.

27. Look at the world through the eyes of my children.

28. Sleep in when I can.

29. Go sledding when it snows.

30. Be goofy. Let people take pictures.

31. Pick a day and drive to California.

32. Experiment.

33. Throw a party. Maybe even two.

34. Take pride in my accomplishments.

35. Sit by the river.

36. Hug more people, allow myself a hug too.

37. Relax.

Golden Globes and Collages

Tonight I am missing the Golden Globes. I'm not a TV fan but it is a tradition in my family to watch awards shows. There are four "must sees" in my family. Awards shows, The Sopranos, Weeds and 'The Bachelor'. I suppose three must sees as the Sopranos are no longer on.

It is also a tradition to do a collage at the start of a new year. Being a procrastinator it's much easier to do this with my family, not so easy when I'm left on my own.

This year, we find ourselves separated. Me in Lyle, Sam in Switzerland. We're doing our collages via e-mail.

Sam:

"I brought poster paper back with me from Utah. I also brought several magazines, and with the loads of magazines I had here already, I am good to go.

I have invited two friends over for next Sunday to do collages, and have soup and salad. They are both American. I just met one of them over Thanksgiving. I didn't have any American friends here until recently. I had dinner with them on Thursday night. It's really nice to speak Americana. They commented on how nice it would be to have soup and salad for dinner instead of the typical French or Italian fare. I think I'll make chicken soup and a basic salad with corn muffins.

They have never done collages before. Cynthia is an attorney- super analytical, high achiever, extremely bright, perfectionist, conservative and granola-esque. She's beautiful, but she genuinely does not think she is attractive, and she hates her size 2 body. She has one son and is trying for another. She is the oldest of two children, and her dad died an excruciatingly long, painful death (four years of suffering) when she was 20. Her mom has MD and isn't doing great. She was born and raised in Utah, but her parents never did the Mormon thing. I'm very interested to see how she approaches the collage.

Dede is an artist- but works as a fund raiser at the United Nations. She is married to a French sommelier. She has had a lot of health problems in her 30s. They have no kids. She is in her early 40s. She has travelled a lot. Dede is a hard nut to crack. She is reserved at first, and then she drops bombs out of nowhere that make me laugh until I cry. I think she has lead a very interesting, non traditional life- which is why I like her, I'm sure. She is from Los Angeles, but she feels like a San Francisco gal to me. She is the youngest of 5 kids. Her dad was Nixon's estate lawyer, and her mom was the first female neuroscientist in California. She had a black nanny that raised her. I assume she will be more comfortable with the idea of collage, but you never know, right?

I love the stories and personal histories of people.

I laughed when I read your email. I never plan where I'll stick my pictures. I just "randomly" paste and adjust the pictures as I go- which is totally how I live my life. Not enough planning. I need to work on this, but not this year. :)

I have the collage I did eight months ago under my bed (I hid it when some people came to stay in our guest bedroom), and I'm not going to look at it until after I finish my collage- to compare. I suspect I'll end up with dogs in the middle, mountain and desert scenes, and bright, jewel colored, flashy objects all over. This is my consistent theme."

My mom:

"I just finished my collage--usually I get everything placed and then paste. This time I pasted as I went--it led me to a small crisis toward the end.

I'm not sure I like it--I never am at first. It takes living with. I can say no chairs this year, however, I do have two beds. I also went a bit overboard on spools of thread...sigh. I was very surprised to see I ended up with a Ganish sort of floating in the middle--go figure."

Me:

"I have borrowed a tiara from my Ava, the 5 year old daughter of my boss. It's purple with feathers on it. I love it an am wearing it now. Unfortunately, I do not have cable or satellite, so I am unable to watch the Golden Globes. I thought I could go down to the local bar, but am not sure how I would be received wearing said tiara and demanding the NFL playoff game be turned off so I can see who is wearing what on the red carpet. So uncivilized here.

Sam, thanks for the update. I so miss your writing and it inspires me to do more than a three second status update on my Facebook. I find myself thinking in the third person now. "Sara is having a delicious muffin" "Sara is wanting bacon" "Sara is moving the wash to the dryer". God help me.

My collage is still in magazine form in the back of David's car. I looked through what I had and it's all Wine Spectator and Gourmet Magazine. So, unless my goal for this year is to become a 300 lb alcoholic, I would do well to find a few others. One of the jobs my boss left for me was to discontinue all of her catalogs. "No problem" I thought. They have been gone less than two weeks, and now there are 87 catalogs that have accumulated on the kitchen table. They are mostly seed and farm equipment catalogs, with a few cute kid things thrown in. I have a feeling this year's collage will be a bit on the eclectic side.

I'm going to focus and get back to work. Right after I update my status on Facebook of course. "Sara is focused on work" Oh shut up."

Each year I my collage ends up with pictures of lemons. I'm not sure why, I don't eat lemons nor do I have them displayed in bowls around my house. My mom has decided to quit posting pictures of chairs. I have made a conscious choice to lay off the lemons, and found myself ripping out pictures of pears. Not sure what that means. The collage is not done, I suppose I'll post a picture of it later.

Adios Myspace

I used to keep my blog on Myspace.

Thanks to my dearest most special friend Bob who has finally moved over to the dark side of Facebook, I can finally delete my Myspace page. I've moved some miscellaneous past blogs from there to my new home on Blogspot. These are just strange, personal musings from the last two years. This blog is not updated on a regular basis, I write when I get the urge. I may post three blogs in a day, or nothing for three months. Whatever. If you'd like a regulary scheduled blog, try my weak attempt at reviewing cheap wines:

http://recessionwine.blogspot.com/

Wine of the night? Syncline 2006 Cuvee Elena. Because I can.

Dear Maine- Fuck You

Just a bit of a letter I wrote the other day. Eh.

I've been composing an essay in my head the last few days, it's about
all the things I hate about Maine.

1. Those cute accents you were talking about? They're cute for about
five minutes. I'm sick of "Lobstah" "Chowdah" and "Beeah". I'm tired
of being called "Sarer". Why the Hell would you drop an "r" in a
perfectly good word like "Park", just to add it on to "Pizza". Hence,
a sentence here would sound like; "Pahk the Cah and we'll pick up a
Petezer". WTF is that.

2. The sun sets at 3:30 PM. I know that in the winter we have fewer
hours of daylight up here in North America, I accept this. But 3:30?
My kids are getting out of school and I'm popping open a bottle of
wine. You can not do this when you have children, or a job, because
you end up passing out around 7:45.

3. It's cold here David. Not just "a little chilly" or "boy is it
brisk today" but bone-chilling, teeth-chattering,
my-toes-are-frostbitten cold. If one more person says to me "Oooh! if
you think this is cold, just wait until February" I'll shoot them in
the eye. I am so sick and tired of people laughing at me because I'm
cold. It's 15 degrees out here sparky, of course I'm cold. I will also
be cold when it's -15. It's dark and fucking cold. I have this
gorgeous parka and every time I wear it someone greets me with "Nice
coat! What are you going to wear when it gets cold? Hee Haw!" I feel
like saying "You, after I skin you alive! Hee Haw!"

4. I've had one zillion people say to me, "You have to be tough to
live in Maine". Exsqueeze me? Tough? No, you have to be stupid to live
in Maine. Really fucking stupid. There are a million places on earth
that are more beautiful than Maine. You have to be tough to live in
Newark, you just have to be an idiot to live in Maine. There are no
jobs, the housing is expensive, the taxes are out of control, it's
cold, dark and people talk funny (please refer to points 1-3) The
"mountains" are in fact, hills, there are too many trees, and the
rivers are too shallow to do anything with. There are mosquitoes,
black flies that literally eat your skin, and don't get me started on
Moose. I hate these families who say with such pride that they have
been here for 200+ years. So? Too stupid and lazy to pack up and go
somewhere decent? Yeah! Sit out side of your camp and get eaten by
flies whydontcha!

5. "Camps" What the fuck is that? They are houses, not camps. I hate
it when people say "My family has had a camp on Lake Mooselookmeguntic
for one zillion years". Fuck you, fuck your camp. Who really cares.

6. My job. My job is dull. It's boring and not the least bit
challenging. My manager has made it her life's work to try and
humiliate me as much as she can in front of customers, my co-workers
and my boss to try and make herself look less than the ignorant
hillbilly she is. You see, she's from Maine. This is the only job she
has ever had. She likes to think she hasn't wasted her entire life
working in a retail store in Northwestern Maine, so anything I say she
replies with "Oh really! Well I put up the display window and yadda
yadda yadda.." Oh just shut up. She has horrible dandruff, bad breath
and would it kill her to take a shower or put on a clean shirt once in
awhile? When she speaks spit gathers on the sides of her mouth.
Luckily everyone knows she's nuts so they just roll their eyes but I'm
telling you, she'll be the first one I shoot in the eye.

7. You can't buy a decent bottle of wine up here. Nuff said. I've been
surviving on Rene Junot "table red" that I can buy in Magnum at the
local IGA for 9.99. Just to put this in perspective, I can buy the
same bottle in New Jersey for 4.99. So, I'm drinking a $5.00 Magnum of
Rene Junot as my "Good Wine".

8. I'm still living on Tim's floor. This I will go into at a later
date as I am too depressed to even write this little story out. I do
have a house, it will be ready the last week of December. So say a
prayer for your old pal Sara that I can keep myself from shooting
someone in the eye or drinking myself to an early death via Rene Junot
in the next three weeks.

Glad You Asked

So on occasion I like to peruse the online personals at "The Onion". Bob knows this, he's seen me do it at work. Gives me the eye roll, but smiles and knows, hey, it's just what I do. One night, after about 4 tequilas, I decide to post my own personal ad. Don't do this. Only freaks do this. The next morning, nursing a hangover I check my inbox and lo and behold, I have 14 messages from potential suitors. All are completely awful except for one. An "environmental scientist" from a town about 80 miles from me. He asks a simple question:

"What sort of work environment does Rangely provide for a wine expert?"

The social retard I am..I reply thusly. (Names have been changed to protect..er, me)

Not a whole Hell of a lot there buddy. I suppose it does sound a little strange. I will clarify with a very brief synopsis on how a wine appraiser ended up in Rangeley.

Long story. How do I make this brief. OK. My former husband and I split up in New Jersey. Now, how we ended up in New Jersey is a whole other bunch of bananas that isn't relevant to this story so would you please be patient and let me finish? Fine. We're in New Jersey. I'm a happy little clam at my job, he's fine and dandy teaching in the suburbs. However, said former couple share children together, and mom (that's me), mom's not happy about them growing up in New Jersey. How many times can I say "New Jersey" in this missive? I suppose I'm trying to make a point. They're in New Jersey damnit. So I (I'm going to quit speaking in the third person now), I throw this idea out that perhaps..just maybe..the kids might be happier growing up somewhere...say..not in New Jersey (thinking I could move to Mendoza and work at a winery a friend is starting up) and guess what? The ex agrees! Yes! "You know I was thinking the same thing!" he exclaims. "So that's why I've decided to accept a teaching position in Rangeley Maine!" Wait..wait wait wait, slow down there tiger. Maine? Where is this "Maine" you speak of? I quickly get out the atlas. The map, not your dog. "Maine..Maine..What the..that's like..the wrong way". "Tut tut" he says, well, really it was more of a sound like "Fft". "It will be great! Mountains! Lakes! Fresh air! Stars!" they kids look at me hopefully. "Maine?" I say weakly. "Yes" they all say in unison. With hunched shoulders I drag myself into the office the next day."What's up buttercup?" My boss asks me. He didn't really say that, it just makes me laugh thinking of my boss saying anything close to that. He probably didn't even acknowledge I was in the same room. Anyhoo. Wow, this is getting long. So yeah, I quit my job, my boss said something that sounded like, "Why don't you just work from home up there and come down once or twice a month". I say "sounded like" because his nick name is "mumbles" and it could just have easily been "I don't like your work so go home and you can get unemployment in a month". I'm taking it as the former and working from home in Maine. The paychecks keep coming so until someone notices I'm not there I'll just keep doing it.

Glad you asked, huh.

He didn't write back.